A self promise letter 2020

 An Unique promise letter to myself!

P- Push Potentials 

R- Resilient Rainbows  

O- Opportunities 

M- Motivation 

I- I matter 

S- Shine

E- Empowered 

----

L-Love 

E- Encouraged 

T- Truth

T- Trust

E- Effort 

R- Rainbows 

___

To

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M- Move Mountains  

Y- You 

S- Succeed 

E- Enlighten 

L- Let go    

F- First

As a kid I stayed silent the shy little me

    Hi 

In many of my stories I share  and I talk about the shy me as a kid until I was about 14 years old I started to find my voice through starting a website to share my story.

Today I am speaking up telling my story! that's the center of my heart and passion 

Today I must say writing helps me escape tough days. Everyone has those moments in life right?

Growing up my mom especially told me and my sister little girls are not supposed to be loud in order to be seen 

But later on in my case that message change my mom told me if I don't talk or ask the teachers questions they will not know what you are capable of 

that's  true!

It simply takes someone taking a chair and having a chat with me.

When I did started writing and speaking up I still stayed silent about a lot.. Growing up you go through these phases that you stay silent about because you fear judgement.. you fear what will someone say or think about you..

yes that's me I share my story but yes I fear sharing somethings because the perception of others or naturally society 

My struggle with accepting my own differences as I became a teenager is barely shared. I had deal emotional break downs it was draining writing helped but my parents just never understood and said never say why me..

Moments I wanted to give up  and settle for less instead of high school- trade school- 

When I got to high school I had tough days but I pushed through because of a great mentor my paraprofessional.

I respond to a lot emotionally because silent, seeing me happy, smiling and all great things keeps peace within my family 

still when tears fall I AM judged 

when i share my thoughts/feels i am judged so I  just end up crashing as i explain myself 

when i respond to different feelings using emotions I  am told to grow up!

responding to with anger does not make overcoming my emotions any better 

silence

shy 

is the reason I struggle with self doubt and socializing because I am so often judge 

As an young women with a disability, facing double adversity 

There is a lot that can block me but I am being as awesome as I can.

As an adult I am going through things because yes I am just like everyone else and want to live life too. 

I am silent for many reasons

I keep a lot inside 

 I had made the step after graduating high school to start going to see a therapist because I knew I was going to college was going to because knew everyday I will not have someone to share my struggles with each day like I did before.

Trust is hard to find

If my parents knew I was going to see a therapist their perception will be something different then where I am thinking 

It's so hard to follow my heart staying silent sometimes 

i owe it to myself to live the life i dream

To myself.

It seems so long that I been taking college courses since I graduated high school in 2013 I enrolled to college in the the fall of 2013.

College was something I was told was not possible due to my physical disability.. but after all the college doors opened an I rolled in. The opportunities that showed up there really showed me the things  I never thought of or imagine would be possible.

Growing with a disability and just simply being a women of color. Has a lot to do with why I say I owe it to myself to live the life I dream 

In June 2020 I graduated from college with my associates degree,  After taking a year off.. Doing college and achieving  a  degree is a victory in my eyes.

Within all the obstacles I manged to win. dealing with transportation issues, personal care attend issues.. 

My mental health took a total on me as I was just over it! I felt like my disability had me limited to a point I want to be free to a certain point 

I want to do what makes me happy 

I wanted to just do what I love  

Advocating and motivational speaking and at that time I had just became Ms Wheelchair NY  2018-2019

I just wanted to make things happen with my tittle.

went back to college back in the fall of 2019 while still trying to better myself by January 2020 I got a job as the self advocacy lead for region 4 at the Regional Center for Workforce Transformation   by April 2020 i completed the requirements for my associates degree  and JUNE 2020 i graduated with my degree 

Nothing but so free and cleared to live life I dream more than every day. I am free mentally and physical 👋👍

A letter to myself as I give college another try

Dear Me:

I can't believe next week will make a year since I dragged to make it and do this college work...my interest was not there

At each try to go forward and do some work at my own time because most of my courses was online I broke down into tears.

I couldn't explain in words what that world was like for me.. I just was not myself.. the determination and force attitude I had towards college and getting a degree was not there.

College is a lot of work and needs a lot of time just as my life in addition to Cerebral Palsy..i am in it to win..

Lets lay out my reality day to day.

I am unable to get out of bed on my own.. that requires me waking someone  up to get me out of  bed then other one to assist with transfers  from up stairs to down stairs. At times I hear the comments I am up now I wish I can go back to get some more sleep.. I stare with my eyes open!

My aid arrives.. finish prepare to be ready to go to class or set myself up to do course work and I do but in my own world I really focus.

The alarm that at night my parents are my caregivers my dad goes to work in the morning the lights off

it means my day is over that means that 6-7 page paper, other work and studying must continue until other day

is that college life?

What about my physical therapy

Dear me

Sometimes I am completely broken by a part of my life that is apart of me forever

Since doctors diagnosed me with it at 9 months old

Why i am broken at times??

Sorry

This life is beautiful

It’s a blessing and a gift that I can share with many around me

Its not easy has amazing

Physical I grow

I can’t get out of bed on my own

It’s not easy to dress myself

And many more

My disability is amazing

I can empower others

Teach others

And so much more

Would I be doing what I do know if these legs was able to move at 100

The other day I walked stairs with the support of my dad I haven’t done that in ten years

Dear me

I am going back to college to pursue a degree in human services

To help adults and families

As well as youth and children with disabilities

I promise to

Remember why and keep going

And still find time to focus on me

My disability shouldn’t have to change so I can accomplish

So I can live the life I dream

To even date

Have kids

It should start now 😍😍😍👏👏👏

Dear me it’s a lot I never share but I am some hope for others and today I wanted to share with others

Never give up disability is beautiful

Recovery is my new discover of life

Letting nothing hold you back