My journey to becoming unapologetic

Growing up my exceptions beyond my  disability is  to aim high because I have the potential

Many around me especially society have low exceptions of people with disabilities like myself.

People have told me things about my future that would be impossible in my situation. For a while now I find myself reflecting on my life in my young days, Mostly as a kid and teenager. I knew myself as just a person with a disability over time I made excuses for myself. I often said due to my disability I can't or never will achieve or have somethings like others who to the world is define as perfect. What is normal anyway? Today I question that more then ever.


From a very young age. I wanted to create my own path. I clearly remember a day in middle school telling my parents. I want to go to a trade school and earn skills to implement into my interest while i still get educated with power of knowledge within an high school diploma.. i was encouraged to go to high school and i did.. graduated and everything..


Once I graduated my life slowly started to realize I have a disability. Yes! I have wheels! I can choice to limit myself or just continue to wheel on with my life. Since then I have been doing a lot of discovering and venturing out. I discovered my happiness and purpose and non stop dreams to be a change maker and roI le model for youth and those with disabilities. I was interested in perusing a career after high school but when that didn't happen I accepted my college choice and enrolled.
 College was/is not hard.. It's what I consider a demand..  I often struggle to find interest in college i find that although knowledge is power what i always knew i need was to learn skills to do the job of any career i would go for..

I took courses/training within the field of disability and advocacy in which i earned a certificates one is from Partners in Policy-making where I became a well trained and educated advocate for people with disabilities and their families

I started to get involved more serve at the table where i know my voice is needed every where needs a sense of representation in terms of advocating for the youth, inclusion and diversity   

To keep myself at peace during my college journey I do things that makes me happy like going to schools to speak to students about the the work that i do or even if it's just to to share my personal journey with them. During my years or many semesters at Kings-borough Community College I got involved on campus took part on panels for new students with disabilities, disability awareness month events and I even was chosen to become a student ambassador.

Despite having to go through a few transitions from taking classes online at a new college.. I competed my 1st semester   towards my Bachelors degree and the following semester rolls into the start of the semester.. i broke down over and over and one day enough was enough   I with draw from the classes and many questioned what was going on? When was I going back to college etc.It felt like my decision I failed those around me hit me even more. I was very happy doing what I was doing as Ms Wheelchair NY 2018.and knew i was going to continue doing so after my reign ended My funding through Access VR for my tuition had ended they provided the main source of funding to pay my tuition.. 
I often heard many days about how I needed to go to bed early.. Understandable.. by the reasons my parents care for my needs at night but college world can be very different and sometimes i focus better being in my own world. So when my attendants comes from 8-4 or their schedule time I give them their time with me to get my needs done and then I give myself time just thinking about these things i face in order to get an college degree or function day to day really broke me in pieces.. Besides the thoughts I live on a fixed income.. i can't afford college.. how will my tuition get paid?


I begin searching for a career to be able to pay for college and still waiting to be called for interviews.. 

If I don't earn a college degree . to society or those around me I wouldn't be considered successful to me following what your heart desires is what defines success.  i am would no longer say i am sorry for choosing my own path. 

to feel like i am being productive with my day i decided to enroll back to college  near MY HOME AND LESS STRESSFUL TRAVELING 
  
To be officially told in writing after reviewing my records i'll i need to complete is college math to get my college degree and for that I decided to move forward and finish my associates degree \

i am becoming unapologetic to the woman i am becoming and choosing to live my life through all aspects despite my disability cerebral palsy i am in it to win and no longer making excuses on why i am not thriving in certain chapters in my life 

I have dreams and goals for my future .  I am going to live it from now on. Living through my vision, my passion and dreams 

this is me- journey to say i am beautiful i have my dreams and life to live.. lets carry on
 i am no longer sorry about the things i face.i am telling my story because hey its life 
this is only the beginning

Doing the best I can- barriers that should not be bariers

How you doing?

Just a simple check in can do everyone a great deal.college has been a true struggle for me until this day.

Its was not an easy road it took for me to get this far.

Enrolling in a college closer to home to get things started again after  taking a year off was something i needed

the mind set i had was nothing i will let become a barrier.. even funding wise.I'll leave it up to God.

Honestly can't afford college living on my type of income.  After my funding source access Vr ended for my many reasons.. based on the their rules..

but i did my best.. i told my mind i can do it and manage i'll was it it to win.. once i passed biology with a C I felt realized knowing I was one step closer to earning my associates degree then my bachelors.


Because in order for me attend college or be productive in society my schedule of my choose of picking courses became limited

I started to feel frustrated and confined.

enrolling into an online college setting changed my life in many ways but still the world of my mind felt limited because whenever i would need an all night moment in mind i wish..when the lights goes off I know what time it is time to prepare for shower and bed.

All of this was getting to me that one day i started my classes online and each time i went to do work on the computer I was questioned and emotions took over..and then it really hit me when I had to accept a failing grade in one of my courses just to get a C or better in Biology which I pass but took a major drop to my GPA

From someone who maintain a GPA of 3.0 and was inducted into many honor societies over the years.

What happened?
 was an exception to achieve in other subject 
Then a big break down took over.. I truly crashed.. i called for a break from college after what i been going through.

Yet it cost me for a situation beyond my control. Appeals were denied! Where to I go from there ?

Needed to a new college hope that works for me to create a some what new start for me to finish what I started  in my education career. 6 credits away from getting my degree at KingsBorough Connunity College yet

I needed to look for opportunity to continue my education despite an issue with my GPA and wanting to be closer to home:  So I don't have to worry about issues with the Access A Ride Paratrainist system that can often be unreliable and needing to home at a certain time so may aid can get off work..

I enrolled to Touro College a private university in Brooklyn my tuition as a part time student would be $8,000 and I was forced the become a full time student to receive a lower tuition rate.. Full time is way beyond the reality and honestly since I'll be doing reserve transfer back to kingsbourough community college


After again this Spring 2020 to enroll to Suny Empire to take non degree courses of my interest and take a general education math college to full fill the general education requirements and 60 credits to earn my associates degree: How amazed I am to have come this far


and is doing the best i can to earn a college degree through all these barriers. maintaining high standards for the systems I need to support from to get funding. I feel like as long as a pass the courses with a C or better. Your GPA average should not affect your funding gap!

Now I have to pay for this semester..as well..It tough.. all that matters to me is that I am doing what I can to my two courses I need for my associates degree program  
So many people struggle to find interest in college and I am one.. Despite making it this far. I was never interested in this college life but I did because I want to be productive. I wanted to create my own path and success story!

You don't always have to follow society definition   of success the need to have a good job, a house and a college degree. Follow what your heart desires💓

My dad is the only source of income and raising a child with a disability is costing.. and we just recently had to due down-payments on an accessible van..

It tough for myself and the family..

Seeing the struggles makes me want to better my life

I get so emotional just hearing about the income struggles


we have to struggle and fight to achieve in such community

I am in it to win and show others it can happen  

A day I felt crushed with the mind and heart to win

I am brooken but motorviated👰💔💔💔
I am brooken but still want to thrive
I am broken from those words in which i wouldn't display

I am broken because the condition i have i didn't choice it

I am broken i am broken
In which i feel like a burden i never said this ever in my journey with a disability

Never get so deep on here

But it hit.me and now i am thinking

I am broken

Still like goal i want to win

Explore and still be that champion

Stop being so hard on yourself

This young lady on wheels is hard on yourself. 

Last month I started back taking college courses.. I am so hard on myself because I want to finish what I started but maybe this path is not for me..

These days have not been easy. I was in a way forced to become a full time student taking 12 and more credits because some of my course are 3 and 4 credits due to finical aid terms. 

this is way beyond my limits 

they are days i roll in to the classroom and my muscles get all crazy.

Once I roll out into the hall way I feel relaxed how can that be?? 
I often question since starting back after I experienced a break down.

How am I healing.. as well as recovering because I am back @ this journey again 

Over pleasing. In my mind I just want to make it and  graduate.. it's a struggle physically and mentally .

The courage and energy I try to find 54 and more credits by the end of this semester.

Be proud of that and start on a clear path 

Self reminder... a college degree.. a job.. a house. A house doesn't define your success is when you follow what your heart desires..

A month in to the semester. all these feels are back.. the inner voice is telling my little body. You were a  peace know your body and thoughts all over.. every day I roll in got to push play please   

Imagining my life without wheels at 24

The truth is when I am in the mind of what my life will be like if I don't have additional wheel legs or need additional support.

At times I get disappointed by the situation..to heal and overcome I answer this is me now.

But I found myself going into the phases I was as a teenager around 15... wanting to explore life just a little more like my able peers..

Now at 24 these thoughts and feelings are surrounding me.

My life without my additional wheel legs. I would have had a more social life. I would have graduated college.

I would have been in a true  relationship and not sure about kids but yeah..

More and more today I think about that balance life I need.

I want to be free and spread those wings I keep on hiding I am afraid! To embrace it is what it is and just ask the question or just say yes!

open that door and discover..i been dealing with a lot and been thinking how just that support may change my life.

Deep down I feel the joy.. They told a person they just want to talk to me. My mix thoughts and feelings wins

Life most go on. Keep on going forward.. never let these feelings break me

So invisible the power of i am strong they see

Celebrate you and each of your milestones..

When I graduated high school i was not sure what I was going to make out of college.. the truth is I made memories.. got involved on campus.. got honors achievements ..many of the courses i can't use it in my future career yet.. i have 54 college credits as we speak.. moments of transitioning caused a lot for me..then anxiety sneaked up even more.. and needed to take a gap break.. i am doing better and i know i have a lot to work on..during my break downs.. gap breaks and all.. i been questing am i doing what i enjoy and makes me happy...

Over the last few years i got certificates for completing advocacy training's/ youth forms this past tuesday I graduated from university of youth power and receive my certificate in peer advocacy.. during my time there I found my interest.. i said I should of majored in human services.. today i want to go into the peer advocate field.. today i am looking at ways to become a life coach.. yes it's possible i am six credits away from having an associates degree but from to 2013- 2018 i endure a lot in silence.. more and more i distance myself... i want to do this again and strive,,,but you know things it home when you crashed both physical and mental in the college world

when i rolled away i felt so cleared and free!!!!!! in silence and to avoid everything.. i often say in the fall yet i am saying do i want to feel that way again i want to feel great..

Its real speak up about mental health

She's Happy

She graduated high school

Went to college earned more then 50 college  or more college credits
She accomplished so much then she ever expected graduating high school
graduated from partners in policy making

Honors

Earn the tittle ms wheelchair ny 2018

Speaker
Brookyn girl

Shes rolling out
Black girls magics
My leagcy shines

Their is more to accomplish. More to create and more to vision but remember she is being the best that she can be🙏🙏🙏🙏

Be enlighten by what she has to offer she is happy

Weather i earn a college degree or not i can still strive with my passion

Listen to your heart instead of crashing in disappointment
She is doing great

What it takes to discover me?

I am forever questioning myself every step of the way.
I deal with issues balancing my confidence in many areas of my life. Yet I have so much hope! 

As youngest as middle school age. I questioned who am I? What do I want to be?

I am beautiful i see it in  the mirror. I see it but on  the other end I blank it out like nothing..

Acceptance and believing in myself also come a long way. What does it takes to discover me?

Discovering journey is within life and beyond. From middle school I didn't believe that high school was for me? I Questioned trade school? But was encouraged to go to high school and I did top 10 

Headed to college 
2 years in.. 

I enjoy learning skills that  I can implement in my field and abilities 

The truth and being honest with myself as help me discover myself 

Never stop believing 
My path will not be the same like everyone. 
Success look different forever.
The timeline of success is different

Come to reality with your life.. situations etc and then follow through with what you truly desire and vision to become 

Follow What your Heart Desires

It's been a while since I shared deeply on here but in this moment. I will

Within this past few months and even year i faced with a lot.. decisions that had to be made.. some that left me speechless and broken.. very unexpected things during my college phase.. no doubt I am that college girl..with a 3.0 GPA and inducted into many honor societies in the end of each semester..I questioned my purpose on this path.. I am sorry!! After my major break down ..I question my path purpose again.. I took a break and so some lights in my journey being Ms Wheelchair NY 2018 I started to focus on those adventures.. my body often felt drained in the college world but I just wanted to make it happen.. the more and more I get connected to myself, my faith and my mission.. I ask was I truly following my purpose because in each semester.. I will look for another door to open why? i am sorry.. it took a moment to crash physical and mentally for me to get out another shell telling me i got to do this.. college was just a door that open to help shape me out of my high school world.. it was not truly my plan now I will call it my ground breaking to build my life.. today I feel amazing..happy and all.. going out there doing speaking engagements.. my many adventures as Ms Wheelchair NY 2018.. the partnerships, the supporters etc.. spending time with kids between, tutoring, recreational activities and girl scouts...two past summers i worked with kids who have ASD.. truly makes my day..

Now I got a plan and will start and continue to follow my calling..feels like I found myself again. I am free!!

Follow what your heart desires

Questioning feelings of failure

April 17. 2019.

I was told the impossible things about my life..

Because of that I often doubt my self and so much more. 
The day I walked through the college doors in 2013 I was not sure what I would make out of it but I knew I wanted to do something with the high school diploma that I earned. 

I started taking classes an excelling in them. Got all A's and B's mostly at every semester and maintain a 3.0 GPA most semesters.

I questioned myself every time saying I must be Gifted in a way I can't see only God can.

I was inducted into all the honors society that I fit the requirements for because of my academic achievement.
Most college students require some days to be "sleepless days".

I never have those days I did my assignments, homework, writing assignments from class, to papers, readings many chapters and studied all in one day if needed. By 10 the latest  11p.m my day has to completed

I look at my fellow peers doing deep studying all. I question what does that look like. Most of my days going on a college campus started at 8 30 and end at 4p.m most days due to staff schedule and the need for care taking. As well as transportation is not always that reliable.

Motivation took me through do it and get it done.. was my daily self talk.

It fooled me some how. I started to feel drained. every day over and over again.. my body felt different some pain that i never had before. I thought my bag was just heavy on me. I question failure in a way I question was I truly following  my purpose but I didn't see it until I started college.
Then the day came I was withdrawing my self from one less class each semester as came. I remember rolling in a class saying in my mind so no one can see a break down 
That was never me! 
The opportunity to transfer schools to take online classes and barely made it there. It was me and my thoughts within walls. The thoughts I just wanted to make it!
I got a chance to strive again through it all. I thought I was over it in a good way. Nope. At every chance I had  to achieve in the courses here came tears. ever time someone would question my progress here came emotions, frustration and tears. I would close it down roll away and feel relieved. How? 

When I set myself cleared and free.. I said I feel good. I feel so happy now. 
Some how I feel like I failed myself and those around me. I feel like I gave up! did I really? I am sorry. I kept a lot in silence during my college journey and until this day. I thought you would be against me for a lot. You expect great things from me I know I am sorry. 
Along my way I got lost in my life world 
forgot about my life. I feel confined sometimes. Just want to be free and do what makes me happy to full fill me instead of making me feel empty.
3 to 4 classes away from an associates degree I felt lost trying to see if my life would be different.. I feel like failed.. college was never what I truly desired. It was the first door that open for me
but its out of my control.
Was I truly following my purpose? 
Never want to feel like I failed 


I have my days 
But I want to show the world the possibilities on wheels