I am forever questioning myself every step of the way.
I deal with issues balancing my confidence in many areas of my life. Yet I have so much hope!
As youngest as middle school age. I questioned who am I? What do I want to be?
I am beautiful i see it in the mirror. I see it but on the other end I blank it out like nothing..
Acceptance and believing in myself also come a long way. What does it takes to discover me?
Discovering journey is within life and beyond. From middle school I didn't believe that high school was for me? I Questioned trade school? But was encouraged to go to high school and I did top 10
Headed to college
2 years in..
I enjoy learning skills that I can implement in my field and abilities
The truth and being honest with myself as help me discover myself
Never stop believing
My path will not be the same like everyone.
Success look different forever.
The timeline of success is different
Come to reality with your life.. situations etc and then follow through with what you truly desire and vision to become
Friday, April 26, 2019
Follow What your Heart Desires
It's been a while since I shared deeply on here but in this moment. I will
Within this past few months and even year i faced with a lot.. decisions that had to be made.. some that left me speechless and broken.. very unexpected things during my college phase.. no doubt I am that college girl..with a 3.0 GPA and inducted into many honor societies in the end of each semester..I questioned my purpose on this path.. I am sorry!! After my major break down ..I question my path purpose again.. I took a break and so some lights in my journey being Ms Wheelchair NY 2018 I started to focus on those adventures.. my body often felt drained in the college world but I just wanted to make it happen.. the more and more I get connected to myself, my faith and my mission.. I ask was I truly following my purpose because in each semester.. I will look for another door to open why? i am sorry.. it took a moment to crash physical and mentally for me to get out another shell telling me i got to do this.. college was just a door that open to help shape me out of my high school world.. it was not truly my plan now I will call it my ground breaking to build my life.. today I feel amazing..happy and all.. going out there doing speaking engagements.. my many adventures as Ms Wheelchair NY 2018.. the partnerships, the supporters etc.. spending time with kids between, tutoring, recreational activities and girl scouts...two past summers i worked with kids who have ASD.. truly makes my day..
Now I got a plan and will start and continue to follow my calling..feels like I found myself again. I am free!!
Follow what your heart desires
Wednesday, April 17, 2019
Questioning feelings of failure
April 17. 2019.
I was told the impossible things about my life..
Because of that I often doubt my self and so much more.
The day I walked through the college doors in 2013 I was not sure what I would make out of it but I knew I wanted to do something with the high school diploma that I earned.
I started taking classes an excelling in them. Got all A's and B's mostly at every semester and maintain a 3.0 GPA most semesters.
I questioned myself every time saying I must be Gifted in a way I can't see only God can.
I was inducted into all the honors society that I fit the requirements for because of my academic achievement.
Most college students require some days to be "sleepless days".
I never have those days I did my assignments, homework, writing assignments from class, to papers, readings many chapters and studied all in one day if needed. By 10 the latest 11p.m my day has to completed
I look at my fellow peers doing deep studying all. I question what does that look like. Most of my days going on a college campus started at 8 30 and end at 4p.m most days due to staff schedule and the need for care taking. As well as transportation is not always that reliable.
Motivation took me through do it and get it done.. was my daily self talk.
It fooled me some how. I started to feel drained. every day over and over again.. my body felt different some pain that i never had before. I thought my bag was just heavy on me. I question failure in a way I question was I truly following my purpose but I didn't see it until I started college.
Then the day came I was withdrawing my self from one less class each semester as came. I remember rolling in a class saying in my mind so no one can see a break down
That was never me!
The opportunity to transfer schools to take online classes and barely made it there. It was me and my thoughts within walls. The thoughts I just wanted to make it!
I got a chance to strive again through it all. I thought I was over it in a good way. Nope. At every chance I had to achieve in the courses here came tears. ever time someone would question my progress here came emotions, frustration and tears. I would close it down roll away and feel relieved. How?
When I set myself cleared and free.. I said I feel good. I feel so happy now.
Some how I feel like I failed myself and those around me. I feel like I gave up! did I really? I am sorry. I kept a lot in silence during my college journey and until this day. I thought you would be against me for a lot. You expect great things from me I know I am sorry.
Along my way I got lost in my life world
forgot about my life. I feel confined sometimes. Just want to be free and do what makes me happy to full fill me instead of making me feel empty.
3 to 4 classes away from an associates degree I felt lost trying to see if my life would be different.. I feel like failed.. college was never what I truly desired. It was the first door that open for me
but its out of my control.
Was I truly following my purpose?
Never want to feel like I failed
I have my days
But I want to show the world the possibilities on wheels
I was told the impossible things about my life..
Because of that I often doubt my self and so much more.
The day I walked through the college doors in 2013 I was not sure what I would make out of it but I knew I wanted to do something with the high school diploma that I earned.
I started taking classes an excelling in them. Got all A's and B's mostly at every semester and maintain a 3.0 GPA most semesters.
I questioned myself every time saying I must be Gifted in a way I can't see only God can.
I was inducted into all the honors society that I fit the requirements for because of my academic achievement.
Most college students require some days to be "sleepless days".
I never have those days I did my assignments, homework, writing assignments from class, to papers, readings many chapters and studied all in one day if needed. By 10 the latest 11p.m my day has to completed
I look at my fellow peers doing deep studying all. I question what does that look like. Most of my days going on a college campus started at 8 30 and end at 4p.m most days due to staff schedule and the need for care taking. As well as transportation is not always that reliable.
Motivation took me through do it and get it done.. was my daily self talk.
It fooled me some how. I started to feel drained. every day over and over again.. my body felt different some pain that i never had before. I thought my bag was just heavy on me. I question failure in a way I question was I truly following my purpose but I didn't see it until I started college.
Then the day came I was withdrawing my self from one less class each semester as came. I remember rolling in a class saying in my mind so no one can see a break down
That was never me!
The opportunity to transfer schools to take online classes and barely made it there. It was me and my thoughts within walls. The thoughts I just wanted to make it!
I got a chance to strive again through it all. I thought I was over it in a good way. Nope. At every chance I had to achieve in the courses here came tears. ever time someone would question my progress here came emotions, frustration and tears. I would close it down roll away and feel relieved. How?
When I set myself cleared and free.. I said I feel good. I feel so happy now.
Some how I feel like I failed myself and those around me. I feel like I gave up! did I really? I am sorry. I kept a lot in silence during my college journey and until this day. I thought you would be against me for a lot. You expect great things from me I know I am sorry.
Along my way I got lost in my life world
forgot about my life. I feel confined sometimes. Just want to be free and do what makes me happy to full fill me instead of making me feel empty.
3 to 4 classes away from an associates degree I felt lost trying to see if my life would be different.. I feel like failed.. college was never what I truly desired. It was the first door that open for me
but its out of my control.
Was I truly following my purpose?
Never want to feel like I failed
I have my days
But I want to show the world the possibilities on wheels
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