A letter to myself as I give college another try

Dear Me:

I can't believe next week will make a year since I dragged to make it and do this college work...my interest was not there

At each try to go forward and do some work at my own time because most of my courses was online I broke down into tears.

I couldn't explain in words what that world was like for me.. I just was not myself.. the determination and force attitude I had towards college and getting a degree was not there.

College is a lot of work and needs a lot of time just as my life in addition to Cerebral Palsy..i am in it to win..

Lets lay out my reality day to day.

I am unable to get out of bed on my own.. that requires me waking someone  up to get me out of  bed then other one to assist with transfers  from up stairs to down stairs. At times I hear the comments I am up now I wish I can go back to get some more sleep.. I stare with my eyes open!

My aid arrives.. finish prepare to be ready to go to class or set myself up to do course work and I do but in my own world I really focus.

The alarm that at night my parents are my caregivers my dad goes to work in the morning the lights off

it means my day is over that means that 6-7 page paper, other work and studying must continue until other day

is that college life?

What about my physical therapy

Dear me

Sometimes I am completely broken by a part of my life that is apart of me forever

Since doctors diagnosed me with it at 9 months old

Why i am broken at times??

Sorry

This life is beautiful

It’s a blessing and a gift that I can share with many around me

Its not easy has amazing

Physical I grow

I can’t get out of bed on my own

It’s not easy to dress myself

And many more

My disability is amazing

I can empower others

Teach others

And so much more

Would I be doing what I do know if these legs was able to move at 100

The other day I walked stairs with the support of my dad I haven’t done that in ten years

Dear me

I am going back to college to pursue a degree in human services

To help adults and families

As well as youth and children with disabilities

I promise to

Remember why and keep going

And still find time to focus on me

My disability shouldn’t have to change so I can accomplish

So I can live the life I dream

To even date

Have kids

It should start now 😍😍😍👏👏👏

Dear me it’s a lot I never share but I am some hope for others and today I wanted to share with others

Never give up disability is beautiful

Recovery is my new discover of life

Letting nothing hold you back